Breaking The Silence

2014… Not exactly the best year, in hindsight.

I keep telling myself that every year will get better, because the alternative is too damn bleak. I know I can be a sour bastard at times, but a little optimism never killed anyone.

Losing my relationship at the beginning kicked it off and saw me flying blind for the first time in two years again, as I was so happy in that relationship I didn’t know how to move on at first. I felt like a rabbit in bright headlights. I sometimes still do.

The part-time job I found in march this year wasn’t the break I was looking for. It wasn’t the fact I was selling bikes, it wasn’t the fact I was stuck again in the east of Holland but the aggressively paranoid alcoholic of an employer that stood above me. I’m not going back there. I’ve done my time and I’ll take my chances elsewhere instead of having it batter my sanity even further.

Being without work for as long as I’ve been unemployed is amazingly bad, because I hate sitting still. Apart from having little to no income, it also halted my own musical project Ghost. I had told myself it would be a cold day in Hell© before I would hinder myself in recording my first album, but Hell© froze over as I have had to postpone the album due to several reasons, although one was a reason I could fully understand and put myself behind.

Apart from all this bad news, there is also good news. Although we took our sweet time, currently Sylvium is in the studio recording our second album ‘Waiting For The Noise’ ( and chronicling the event at www.sylvium.wordpress.com). And I’m glad we took the time, as the music is so much more stronger now. And that is one of the reasons why the ‘Shifting Mirrors’ intended release of march 2015 is being postponed; the March 28 release of ‘Waiting For The Noise’ at Rock Ittervoort is extremely important to us all and although it was yet another nail in the intended release of my first solo album, it also meant a new opportunity.

After recordings for ‘Waiting For The Noise’ are done, I’m going to record ‘Shifting Mirrors for as much as I can at my homestudio and hope that the intended kickstarter I am planning to set up is going to get the funding I require to do the drums at professional studio, along with the vocals if possible. There’s a lot of possibilities and opportunities to seize here and you bet I’ll be going for it.

Apart from intending to release ‘Shifting Mirrors’ ( which will be aimed at october 2015) I’ve also been writing a lot of new material for Ghost. Songs that I’m quite proud of though I’m not done yet. And I like that. I don’t feel forced about that and I know I can make this even better. The perfectionist in me isn’t worried; he’s happy. And I like it that way.

So life hasn’t been the best to me this year. But it’s the 31st of december as I am writing this post and I’m ready to move on. 2015 is going to be a busy year; just as it should be. With lots of music and other fun things to do. Sylvium will have several gigs lined up ( go to www.sylvium.com to find out where!) and I’ll be doing a lot for Ghost too. And to make amends for a silence way too long, here’s a demo of a song I wrote this year. No vocals yet, but I’m sure you’re going to love this track 🙂 I know I do.

Goodbye 2014. Go stink on someone else, I’ll be with 2015 rocking out.

15889563436_2e2164d9b3_oedit1 finished

Shifting Mirrors Teaser: The Big Fade Away Part X – Poles Apart

And suddenly, you open your eyes… finding out what it was really like. And realising that it was never going to work… 

It hurts…

Originally this wasn’t even about a real person, but some figment of my imagination I had conjured up sometime during highschool. The doodles I still have in my lyric archive are dating back to when I was 17, just prior to me challenging myself to writing proper music.

‘Poles Apart’ ( previously known as ‘Different Levels’) was a difficult song to write, probably the hardest after ‘Parting The Seconds’. The original ending of the epic ‘The Big Fade Away’ was titled ‘Running Out Of Time’ and apart from shoddy lyrics, featured nothing really new that added to the song. Although several parts of ‘The Big Fade Away’ were great in their own right, together the piece didn’t work and thus remained in a directory hidden away on my computer for several years.

When rewriting this tune, the lyric was scrapped with much delight. By now, ten years had passed and enabled me to silence a particular ghost of my past that haunted me for several years. Whereas the original track was all about fast guitars, washes of keyboards and thundering bass, the track now is much more laid back, featuring acoustic twelve string guitar and mandolin. The track meanders through in a steady 3/4 rhythm, while the lyrics slowly but steadily deal with the past permanently.

——–

Poles Apart

Poles Apart ( R.d.G)

In sad contemplation
of a heart that broke
I reviewed all the pieces
as you silently went rogue

Now back to the day
when you worked out the rhyme
You said all your farewells
but admitted no crime

( Chorus)
I’m caught punching holes here
into the sky
And I’m fading out slowly
to all questions why
I thought I was sane now
but I’m missing my heart
I should’ve known better
we were poles apart

so sad that you left me
did the air make you choke
your ways unexplainable
your trust was a joke

just like a fleeting image
like a missile astray
too easy to blame me
as you slowly walked away

( Chorus)

( Solo)

And now here in hindsight
the heart that you broke
lies mended before you
then goes up in smoke

To think you once loved me                                        to think that you did
To think we once kissed                                                 just doesn’t make sense
Just goes to prove                                                           I’ve shut all the doors
happy endings don’t exist                                            now live in past tense

( Chorus to fade)

Shifting Mirrors Teaser: The Big Fade Away Part IX – Momentary Imbalance

She’s gone far away from you, but she’s always close to you, no matter where you’re at. You just can’t get her out of your head and it’s showing every place you go…

After having finished writing ‘None The Wiser’, I felt I needed a bridge before bringing the whole thing to a close. Originally, ‘Momentary Imbalance’ ( previously known as ‘Stay The Course’) was this extremely heavy piece that went on for at least four minutes, but that didn’t do anything, plus it didn’t fit the song that would come after. However, the aggressive start was kept and instead the song became an ambient track with a wailing guitar in the back not unlike David Gilmour. The track itself is more akin to Porcupine Tree in style though. Also originally intended to have lyrics on it, those were scrapped when realising the track didn’t need them.
——————
Momentary Imbalance

Shifting Mirrors Teaser: Inches To Fall

A lack of self esteem has been quite an issue for me during my life. Highschool was known as Hell© to me, so hiding and trying not to stand out in the crowd almost became like a sport to me. This in turn also affected my musical career, as I have hidden my music away until three years ago when I first went online with my tunes. Needless to say, I’m glad I stepped into the light!

Originally known as ‘Depth Charge’, this track was written due to the frustration that came from this issue, lyrically telling several stories I went through at the time. Musically, this started out as a piano only song, but I changed the middle part and added more instruments to the whole, making the ending quite loud and uplifting, even though the lyrics don’t really bring that across. It’s like a little mini epic, though clocking in at around 5 and a half minutes 🙂 No one said prog has to be 20 minutes or more all the time!

Inches To Fall
—–
Inches To Fall ( R.d.G)

Racing all the way through your mind
All you could do was study, but nothing you could find
You sit and wonder how to deal with the delay
of having to retry this all at the end of the day

(Chorus)
Were you really that close and yet so far away
Are you just sitting there behind the eight-ball
Or can you see you’re not always the one that has to pay
Don’t you know you’re only inches to fall

Pacing all the way through your mind
All you find is the exit, it’s been there right from the start
You sit and ponder how this happened all along
burying head in your hands, you know you were wrong

(Chorus)
Were you really that close and yet so far away
Did she ignore you, did she resist the call
Or can you see you’re not always the one that has to pay
Don’t you know you’re only inches to fall

I’ve seen you running here before
Speeding the long mile
You’ve been here quite a while

I’ve seen you running here before
Trapped here all the while
Thinking you’re an exile

(Solo)

Look out the window, what do you see
Do you see kids, playing and feeling free
How you wish to be just like them and climb that tree
But know that you’re stuck here under lock and key

Look into the mirror, what do you see
Do you see a man who isn’t free
Who wants a new life, something new to see
You’ll say that it’s you, I’ll say that it’s me…

(Fade)